Thursday, August 21, 2008

Who are the people in YOUR eye?

My Mom is a school teacher, and a darn good one. She has retired from it and gone back to it. She can break down, clean and reassemble a handgun, blindfolded, in ten seconds flat. (OK, fine, that last statement was complete hearsay based on a really wild day in the teacher's lounge.)

Anyway, here is one of the best of her "tales from the classroom" (cue creepy weird science music):

So Mom's teaching the kiddies in science class about the different parts of the human eye.

"The black middle part of your eye is called the Pupil. The colored part of your eye is called the Iris." She then pointed to a kid who was talking or otherwise not paying attention.

"Can you tell me what you just learned?" asks Mom.

"I learned that the black people in my eye are Irish," replies said kid.

He's not just living in our hearts anymore...

Matt: I found something wild on a forum post. You know how the Catholics belive in transubstantiation?

me: No idea what that is, dude.

Matt: It's the belief that the wafers and wine taken @ communion actually transform into the body and blood of Christ.

me: Ew.

Matt: Protestants believe its a symbol, but Catholics actually believe when they are blessed they transform. SO, if they transform into the body and blood of Christ, that means they are going to sh*t and p*ss Jesus...which means Jesus is getting treated in sewage treatment plants, and returned back into the earth and water supply and everyone else is drinking and eating Jesus...
so in 4.9 billion years...the earth will be 100% Jesus.

me: That's the long range plan, yeah. Didn't you read Revelations?

Matt: Well we eat about 3.6x10^18 atoms of Jesus every day.

me: Tell me these are bullsh*t figures...

Matt: Actually they aren't.

Jesus Christ...

Matt: Yeah, thats the point!

me: I need a drink.