Thursday, September 8, 2011

Summer Photo Adventure: The "Watercolours" House of Edisto Beach

In July,  my family and I were invited to experience an incredible house on a beautiful beach. My Mom had visited this massive four-story beach house before, and had been raving about it ever since. She had been hoping for months that my kids and I would get to see it.

Once I saw it for myself, I understood why Mom couldn't stop talking about it. I decided to document the experience as a photo blog so that I'll always have something concrete to look back at to remember this adventure (the pictures also serve as inspiration for my own dream house.)

Here are the photos from that awesome summer adventure with few textual interruptions...7.04.11 - Summer Photo Adventure

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I Kissed A Squirrel

"I Kissed A Squirrel" by Shane McElveen and Curtis Hart
(based on "I Kissed A Girl" by Katie Perry)

Am             C                  Dm                   F
This was never the way I planned / when I came to the convention

Am             C                  Dm                   F
Had one too many drinks oh man / Lost all sense of dimension 
Am             C                  Dm                   F 
Furries I'm not used to / How'd you get that costume on? 
Am             C                  Dm                   F
mor-bid-ly curi-ous for you / just wanna get my fur on...
Am             C                  Dm                   F
I kissed a squirrel and I liked it / the taste of her nutty bits, oh 
Am             C                  Dm                   F
I kissed a squirrel just to try it / never thought I'd prefer rodent 
Am             C                  Dm                   F 
Her nose felt so cold, her fur was so tight / Don't mean I'm vegan tonight. 
Am             C            Dm                F
I kissed a squirrel and I liked it (I liked it)

Don't usually go for small game / it doesn't matter

Love it when you chitter my name / my pervert's nature

It's not what PETA would do / Not how humans should behave

Thinkin' with the wrong head / Beast-i-al-i-tay!



Those anthromorphs, so magical / Fuzzy soft snout, so kissable.

Just wanna squeeze, so hugable / Too good to, de-ny it

Fluf-fy soft tail, I think I'm spent!



The Pee Pee Dance

Just because I'm feeling silly...

"The Pee Pee Dance" by Shane McElveen
(based on "Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats)
 P-p-p-p P-p-p-p pee-pee-pee-pee-pee-pee
Pee Pee, Dance!

I can pee when I want to
I can sit down on the can
But my friends all stand and if I don't stand
They'll wonder if I'm a man
I can piss where I want to
If I'm given half a chance
But I gotta go soon `cause if I don't go
I'm gonna do the pee pee dance
Yes I'll dance

I can pee where I want to
I can leave my house behind
Run into the woods and piss in the woods
And show my white behind
I say, I can go where I want to
Where no one will ever see
I can squirt like the coach from League of Their Own
Take an hour just to pee
Pee pee dance

We can pee when we want to
We've been waiting, having to go
And we can stand here sweet and spray on our feet
Or run out back and loose the hose
Say, we can run in the girl's room
We won't get another chance
Or you can act upset like you've never done it
And stay and do the pee pee dance

Pee pee dance, wee wee dance
Grabbing' willy while I prance
Pee pee dance, wee wee dance
Gonna soak right through my pants
Pee pee dance, wee wee dance
Cross my legs and start to pray
Pee pee dance, wee wee dance
Everybody back awa-a-a-ay

Pee pee dance
I'll do the pee pee dance
I'll do the wee wee dance

P-p-p-p E-e-e-e E-e-e-e P-p-p-p E-e-e-e E-e-e-e
Pee pee, dance!

We can pee if we want to
Every day and every night
If you back your bowels up, you'll screw them all up
Then nothing will come out right
I say, we can piss if we want to
We can use the public john
But don't talk in the can, cause if you talk to me man
Well then you're no friend of mine


Is it safe to pee, oh is it safe to pee [6x]
Pee pee dance

Friday, May 20, 2011

The Night Before Rapture

`Twas the night before rapture and all through the place
everybody was snoring, pillows stuffed in each face.
 The kidlets were trumpeting snores as an art,
learned from their father (with the occasional fart.)

 I sat wired on coffee, at my monitor I stared
with visions of heaven and how I'm unprepared
to be hauled into space on this balmy of nights
to sing with the angels about godly delights.
When what to my rock-deafened ears did give sign
but the Son of God! Jesus Christ! I ain't lyin'!

He smiled as I jostled to delete all my pron
and said, "Too late to worry with all that now, son.
I'm here to tell you to calm yourself down.
Coming tonight? Man, I'm always around!
The guy you called faggot and bullied in class.
The girl you picked on because she had a fat butt (got ya.)
I asked for some help, and you wouldn't buy food.
The old lady that stumbled, and you acted so rude.

"I'm not here to make you feel guilty or lowly.
I'm not here to make you tell me you're not worthy.
I came to bring peace in a world full of war
and tell you what virtues and honor are for.
Not to give you excuses to hate and to maim
or burn those that differ, or kill in the Name.
Don't worry about rapture or when I'll ride through;
just treat others as you want them to treat you."

Friday, May 6, 2011

Thoughts About Mothers and Fathers

My friend David lost his father today to cancer. I can imagine what he's going through, but it's just speculation and sympathy. I have no way of knowing the pain and loss that he's feeling. I've realized over a lifetime of days like this that you can feel sad for your friends, and you can feel relief that their loved one isn't in pain any longer, but there's just nothing to be said. There are no words you can say that will bring their loved one back to them. You can't fix it for them. All you can really do is be around if they do want to talk...or if they don't.

 You can also be thankful for the loved ones you do have, whether they be partners, parents, children, siblings or friends who might as well be siblings. I thought long and hard today about my own family's relationship. There have been ups and downs, like with any family, but late last year was a turning point for us in that we all seem to appreciate each other more now. We try to watch our mouths more as not to piss each other off. We do little things to show each other that we love each other. I'm thankful for that beyond words. I know that, God forbid, if something was to happen to any of them, I'm at peace with them and they know I love them. I think in the end, that's really the best we can do in the face of the inevitable.

Over my lifetime, I've been incredibly blessed to meet a great many people who I have loved, learned from and befriended. I have always known that if the worst happened, I have a roof over my head and somewhere to have a meal. I have always known the companionship of friends. Friends have become brothers, sisters, fathers and mothers to me. I hope that these dear people know how I feel about them, b/c they have made my life full and interesting. I have never walked completely alone...I've never had to. For that, I am extremely thankful tonight.

I don't know when my own Dad's time will come, but I know that he has been more than a father to me over the years. He's been a hero, an enemy at times...but always loving and present, and more often than not, a wise friend who believes in me. When it is his time, or mine, I'll know that we loved, understood and respected each other before it was over. And I can't ask for more than that. In fact, I'm damn lucky.

To my own Mom, I love you, Mom. Thank you for everything. Happy Mother's Day.

To Melissa, thank you so much for our children, and your love for them. They are the light of my life. Happy Mother's Day.

Finally, to all the ladies who have been like mothers to me (I think you know who you are,) thank you all for your love and support. Happy Mother's Day.

Monday, May 2, 2011

On the Death of a Monster

Those who slay monsters must remain emotionless, excluding the feeling of relief when the deed is done. A slayer of monsters must remember that if the monster is allowed to live, the monster will bring about more death to those who are undeserving of such horror.

To feel sadness over the death of a monster is kind, but must not stay a slayer's hand. To revel in the death of a monster is to become a monster yourself, a piece at a time. In the end, when the trigger is pulled or the blade falls, the end goal of the violence must be a gift of peace; a peace that the monster could only achieve in its death. An end to the violence inherent in its existence.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Birthday parties, tornados and explosions! Oh my!

Dude. What a day.

My best friend/roommate Curt and I went to our friend Jessie's birthday party today. Jessie is a really inspiring guy. He's in his mid twenties and is an up-and-coming local artist. He works hard at his art, and his dedication reminds me time and again what a lazy bum I can be. He's funny, he's positive, and he's just the kind of guy that you're always glad you took the time to visit with. I've never left Jessie's company feeling anything but uplifted. One more thing; Jessie was in an accident years back, and is now in a wheelchair. I say in one, not confined to one, because Jessie in no way allows his life or his amazing spirit to be limited by the constraints of his body.

I didn't even know that Jessie existed until Curt called me from The Repair Shop (the computer repair shop where Curt works when he's not directing movies, writing movies, attending parties or antagonizing me) one day and told me that Jessie might want to buy my Wacom digital art tablet that I barely ever used (I realized too late that I still prefer illustrating on paper.) Jessie hangs out with Curt and David (Curt's boss) at the shop some afternoons. So I brought the tablet to Jessie that same day and let him take a look at it. In Jessie I saw an enthusiasm about his art that made me smile, and made me remember that love of art that I thought had been burned out of me over the years. I knew after that first conversation that I'd made a new friend.

Jessie's birthday party today was one of those days that I never saw coming, but turned out to be the kind of day that you tell stories about for years. First off, it was a party on Jessie's family's land, a large tract of farmland at the top of South Carolina. A tiny graveyard surrounded by a few tall trees marked the dirt road that led to the party. In a small clearing between a recently planted corn field and a treeline that masked a gorgeous pond that looked more like a small river, a few cars were parked near a camp setup with a tarped-over kitchen, several camping tents, and a few tables. Jessie's big white van was parked in the midst of it. I met some cool people and had good food and good conversation.

We all knew that it was supposed to rain today. Jessie's parents were adamant that the birthday party would go on, rain or no rain. I was not aware until too late of the tornado watch that was underway for Dillon county (aka. where I'm at.) But I figured we'd be fine. Some rain here and there, but a little water never hurt anyone. Everyone else seemed to be in the same mindset. After a few hours of threatening cloud cover, it started raining in earnest. We all retreated to our vehicles to wait the storm out, then resume Jessie's party.

So Curt and I sat in Old Blue (my blue Ford Explorer that's been in the family for years,) listened to music and waited. The rain fell, and the wind picked up. A few tree branches fell on and around the cars, including Old Blue.

Me: Maybe I should move the car over.

Curt: Nah, we're probably fine...

We opened the skylight and looked up at a huge branch right above us.

Me: Forget this...

Curt: Let's move.

So I moved Old Blue away from the trees, behind another car. The cars were all basically in a straight line on the edge of the field now. The wind and rain picked up, and before I knew it, I looked out of my driver's side window and my eyes grew wide. A huge sheet of gathering rain, wind and dirt/dust came at me and slammed into Old Blue. All the cars were rocking now. I looked at the trees, and the smaller ones were bent nearly in half. By the time I was done looking around in that amazed, dumbfounded, trance-like state, it was over.

We all stepped out of our vehicles, and Jessie's dad, Jake, started pointing at the old graveyard at the entrance to the dirt road. The tallest tree in the graveyard had been broken bust above the base, and the rest of the tree was laying over the graveyard at a right angle. The tornado had passed right beside us. The tarp-covered kitchen was a wreck afterward, but everything else was easily salvaged, and no one was hurt.

A bit shaken up, we continued the party nonetheless. More people showed up, and we had more good food and good conversation. Night fell, and it was time to set off some fireworks. One of Jessie's old friends had brought some primo Black Knight fireworks. Super loud, excellent bang for your buck. Unfortunately, these were set off (I'm not going to say by who, but no, it wasn't myself, Jessie or Curt) too close to the campsite. In general, the fireworks went off in an array of wondrous technicolor fire just above our heads accompanied by really satisfying cannon-like BOOMS. However, two of the "throw it and hope for the best" fireworks were much more interesting.

There were two of the W.T.L.S. (pronounced Wootles.) The first crazy Wartime Terrorist Light Show began when a firework was thrown too close to the cars. The firework went off, propelled itself between two cars, and then went off in a beautiful, if blood-curdling, array that sent people cursing, screaming and scattering like mice. No one was hurt.

The second crazy W.T.L.S. basically landed right in front of the now-huddled group of onlookers. Just as it went off, I watched at least three girls run by me at really admirable speeds. When my head was tucked inside of my outstretched jacket and I was praying for the best. The streams of colorful balefire that flew past me missed everyone (again, no one was hurt except for the newly-singed firework tosser), so I took that as a really good sign, ate a few bonfire-scorched marshmallows, enjoyed the company of friends and new cool people, and chalked all of the day's incredible, unforgettable events up to this:

God still likes me, and I'm doing something right. Happy Birthday, Jessie.