Thursday, December 16, 2010

Five Years

For five years I toiled in the mine.
I cursed the mine, and I blessed the mine.
After five years, a glimmer of gold caught my eye
and I knew that gold was never what I sought.

For five years I sailed on the seas.
I cursed the storms, and I blessed the winds.
After five years, I saw the shore again
and I knew that the sea was never what I sought.

For five years I chased a dream.
A dream in the form of garters, hose, lace and bows.
After five years, she broke my heart by never appearing
and I knew that she was never what I sought.

For five years I ran from myself.
I cursed myself even as I prayed for blessings.
After five years, I stared at the mirror
and I knew that self respect was what I sought.

- Shane McElveen, 2010

A Relevant Quote

"I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it." - Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Can I Possibly Be More Va8ue?

It's been an interesting ride; the last few years, I mean. Some days I don't feel like I'm behind the wheel at all, but maybe lying in the back seat staring at an old cigarette burn in the seat, or a place where the seam has given way, and I'm staring at the padding. Or maybe I'm just sticking my head out of the open window like a dog.

You see, if life is a journey, then I'll agree with the song that, for me, it's a highway. It has been, I think, ever since I graduated college and started paying attention to exactly how quickly the days pass flashing cars.

And if my life is, in fact, a highway, then I see myself driving an old black classic car. Maybe an Impala, but not necessarily. Something long and boat-like, with four doors and endless room. And one huge front seat that you can snuggle up to a lady across. Not anything made after I was born, certainly.

So the last few years, I've found myself driving through this desert. I'd say with all fairness that I turned onto this particular road in 2005 or so, after a huge life change, leaving a road I'd been on for about ten years. There were a few pit stops, both professional and romantic, where I thought maybe I'd found a place to settle down. They turned out to be temporary, and unsatisfying. So I drive.

I've been driving this desert a long time. And though the desert is a mystical place with many important revelations, I'm tired of this particular stretch of road.

I need some new scenery.