Thursday, December 16, 2010

Five Years

For five years I toiled in the mine.
I cursed the mine, and I blessed the mine.
After five years, a glimmer of gold caught my eye
and I knew that gold was never what I sought.

For five years I sailed on the seas.
I cursed the storms, and I blessed the winds.
After five years, I saw the shore again
and I knew that the sea was never what I sought.

For five years I chased a dream.
A dream in the form of garters, hose, lace and bows.
After five years, she broke my heart by never appearing
and I knew that she was never what I sought.

For five years I ran from myself.
I cursed myself even as I prayed for blessings.
After five years, I stared at the mirror
and I knew that self respect was what I sought.

- Shane McElveen, 2010

A Relevant Quote

"I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it." - Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Can I Possibly Be More Va8ue?

It's been an interesting ride; the last few years, I mean. Some days I don't feel like I'm behind the wheel at all, but maybe lying in the back seat staring at an old cigarette burn in the seat, or a place where the seam has given way, and I'm staring at the padding. Or maybe I'm just sticking my head out of the open window like a dog.

You see, if life is a journey, then I'll agree with the song that, for me, it's a highway. It has been, I think, ever since I graduated college and started paying attention to exactly how quickly the days pass flashing cars.

And if my life is, in fact, a highway, then I see myself driving an old black classic car. Maybe an Impala, but not necessarily. Something long and boat-like, with four doors and endless room. And one huge front seat that you can snuggle up to a lady across. Not anything made after I was born, certainly.

So the last few years, I've found myself driving through this desert. I'd say with all fairness that I turned onto this particular road in 2005 or so, after a huge life change, leaving a road I'd been on for about ten years. There were a few pit stops, both professional and romantic, where I thought maybe I'd found a place to settle down. They turned out to be temporary, and unsatisfying. So I drive.

I've been driving this desert a long time. And though the desert is a mystical place with many important revelations, I'm tired of this particular stretch of road.

I need some new scenery.   

Friday, April 23, 2010

Top 10 figures I would prefer that people not pray to on my behalf:
1. Satan/Lucifer
2. Baron Samedi
3. Marilyn Manson
4. Any angel from Supernatural
5. The Dark Side of The Force6. Anyone from a reality show
7. Their demi god powered paladin/rogue/cleric/night club owner character from Dungeons and Dragons
8. Barney
9. Zeus, as he comes off as a philandering douche
10. That pissed off looking guy from God of War
I was born the son of a Southern Baptist minister and a public school teacher in a little town called Scranton, SC. When I was a baby, my Dad had just decided to become a man of the cloth. I was a really sick baby, born with a hole in my heart. My parents prayed that I would live. They pretty much started a small crusade of prayer to the heavens that I would make it. So I did.

They say I died for a full minute on that operating table. I'm not sure about that, but I know ever since then I've known that there is a purpose to my life. That I'm here to do things that matter.

Unfortunately, for a really long time (before and after my divorce) I let myself stagnate. I doubted myself, even the talents that I knew I had. I'm done with that now.

A little over a year ago, the company that I was working for was forced to let me go. I had just finished reading a book by Paulo Coelho entitled "The Alchemist." I was unemployed for the better part of a year, but I trusted that I would be taken care of. I prayed, hoped and waited for more to be revealed to me.

Unfortunately, I was still missing something, b/c of all the ideas I had roiling around in this creative brain of mine, I wasn't doing anything about them. I let myself get so overwhelmed by all the projects I had started that I wasn't able to finish any of them. This has been my problem for years.

At the end of December, I was blessed with a contracting job at the same company that laid me off before. This job will likely end in a few weeks, as it was meant to end at the end of the first fiscal quarter of the year. Why does this not bother me?

Because about a month ago I watched "The Secret" again. A lot of you may be reading this and immediately begin "poo-pooing" the Law of Attraction (which is ultimately the secret beferred to in the movie/book.) I can understand that reaction, b/c I had that same reaction a few years ago.

It's SO easy to say, "those folks are just trying to sell self-help books" or "that won't work," and just dismiss such simple concepts. I say they are simple concepts b/c, in theory, they seem common sense. "Think positive? Have faith? Follow my personal legend? Well I already do those things!"

Do you? I thought I did, until I paid attention to how much I focused on what I didn't want as opposed to the things I did want. How much of my energy I gave to my FEARS, which were just the dark side of my FAITH.

Once I realized that the only thing holding me back was me, I had a long talk with my best friend and brother, Curt. I told him what I'd been listening to lately and realizing. I had given him a copy of The Alchemist the past year, and it had been life-changing for him as well. We started making plans and actually encouraging each other to work on ours dreams instead of sitting frustrated and waiting on a magical answer that doesn't involve our talents.

I'm not saying that God or The Universe or what have you don't deliever good things to our lives without our having to work in the traditional sense. The truth is that they do, but you have to put in the faith/belief and energy to ghelp those thigns along. and my work, my use of my talents to create, is the greatest extension and proof of my faith in my faith and in the law of attraction that I can think of.

Because I have always known I was going to make my dreams come true. It just took recent circumstances to help me develop the strength to get up off my movie-watching ass and do something about it.

Curtis and I, at this point, are halfway finished with a horror script we've been writing. The details of our adventures breaking into the movie business will be outlined in a separate blog,

Until next I blog, remember to think positive and think about the things that you want, not the things that you fear. Be grateful for what you have. Later, folks.